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Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Crowning Glory, a Rude Awakening, and then some

This has got to be the ultimate tote any bag hag could ever have. The softest leather with a stitched- in jigsaw puzzle tote by Henry Cuir, priced at an astronomical US$ 5,950.00 at Barney's New York. It's not even chevre leather! *Scoff*

It's high time some hags come up to me and unseat me from my so-called royal bag pedestal, and parade around this work-of-art-on-the-shoulder bag in front of me and ask me what brand it is (and I betcha I wouldn't even remember). Someone? Anyone?

Ahh wait. Speaking of royal, I have decided on giving hags royal titles (whoa, suddenly I'm the Queen here? hehe), in keeping with my guilty pleasure- cum- obsession with anything royal. So here it shall be written that hags who own one Hermes birkin/kelly (leather- box, epsom, togo, clemence, barenia, fjord, chevre, suede) are from now on, to be titled Baron or Baroness. Hags who own more than one Hermes birkin/kelly (any leather) are to be given the title of Duke or Duchess. Hags with one Hermes birkin/kelly in exotic leather- croc, alligator, lizard, ostrich are to be rightfully titled Prince or Princess. Of course the ultimate bag hag/ Queenbee will have to be someone who owns more than 5 Hermes birkins/kellys! So, who am I here? I'm your friggin' Queenmother *muwahaha* (I can't actually, I don't even have bragging rights to an Hermes croc birkin!! That though, shan't stop me from lusting for one.)

Sigh. That wasn't an entirely pointless paragraph (although it was a really and tearfully, a rather senseless one, one that could have incited bagclass wars *tsk what's gotten into me?! hello, downhill slalom from here*). Every bag hag deserves to be called a Prince/ Princess. Bag hags transcend class, damnit. MANTRA: WE ARE ALL ABOVE GENTRY!!! But like I said, the paragraph was not pointless because it really just proved one thing-- My secret desire to wear a diamond tiara *Baghag gone kookoo!!* Why'd you think my logo has a crown?If I could not wear one, something I own will! :D *Ok that was real sad. Now I know why some (or many?) people think I am vulgar hahaha*

Ok going back to the Henry Cuir bag above (boy did my mind wander off! At least this post is not contrived *or is it?*), there's another one named Baule at US $1095 though obviously less spectacular but definitely understated. Honestly, don't ask me what makes this bag worth US $1000+. Explaining why it is so to me is like explaining to an Eskimo why ice cream is best eaten cold. (Psst, that other Henry Cuir jigsaw bag just suddenly reminded me of a leather couch!!! BAD BAD!!! Bag hag, BEHAVE!)

As I write this post, I get handed a thick envelop which contained my credit card bill. *GULP* The credit card company found me (I had stored my credit card in a place even I don't remember. Poor DH had to get a replacement for me-- I am too impaired to find out how to report a lost card on my own. Such a useless woman I am. Tsk!)

And yet, I still get my credit card bill. *SHOCK, JAW DROP* Umm, I didn't anticipate this. I went to Egypt! Not friggin Paris! What could I have possibly bought?! I just remembered buying that rectangular plate thingie which cost something like US $15! (I bought it because it looked so Versace *label whoring continued in Egypt!*) Why is the damn thing so thick?! I don't even remember going to any designer shop anywhere :( And I certainly didn't get my own credit card swiped by someone else from right under my nose! So that thick "wad" of Bills (alas, not bills of money)? All mine. (Note that I am already broke right down to my shins to begin with!)

AWFUL TRUTH: The bill was all about-- Lotsa food, food, food (dinner at my fave Japanese haunt Kuretake at Rockwell *sister restaurant of Sushi Tsumura-- if you have not been there yet, you are MISSING OUT!!!*). And then there were the Chanel glasses and the Hermes twilly (thanks a lot, Dubai). *Bawl* I mourn over the loss of my money in my already- shrunken bank account, mourn over the fact that I actually didn't spend it on A bag (mind you I was eyeing either an LV multicolore Trouville or this new LV multicolore Priscilla *to be out in May-- doesn't the bag remind you of the Damier Belem? It's rather cute* But I did NOT make any bag purchase!), and mourn over the remains (evidence) of the good food I had (check out my back fat, it's HUGE). But hey, there is always laughter in tears. At least I can always hide under those chic (or at least I think so) black Chanel glasses and tie that Hermes twilly to my neck for my oh-I'm so-Parisienne- chic wannabe look! And carry my bag that is my crowning glory *wink ;)*SCORE!!!!! :) Ah it's time to stop typing. I am no longer making any sense. I just wish no English teacher or Editor in his/her right frame of mind would read this post. It's really garbage (a bunch of inconsistent tenses, incorrect use of words, running sentences... this post *THE WHOLE BLOG in fact* has the makings of an "F" if graded!) It therefore comes as no surprise that no editor wants to hire me to write for his/her magazine/ newspaper *muwahahaha so sad, yet so true*!!

P.S. Since I'm too lazy to check my archives for past posts, I will just correct something here-- I believe I had mentioned the Goyard Croisiere as Croisiere 30 when in reality, it should be Croisiere 35. Apologies for the confusion created. That's what happens when a bag hag gets a whiff of the "almost- famous" air (oh puke!!! I can be a real dingdong! Blah!). Think my "Crowning Glory" Goyard bag (I really am deluded into thinking I am baghag royalty!! OhMahGawd, PAH-THEH-TICCC). Which leads to my second P.S.

P.P.S. I took my mom's Croisiere bag out for a spin today-- without her knowing it. DaphP saw me with it when we had our little tete a tete at Press. My aunt ALSO saw me with it as I waited for my car (I broke out in cold sweat when I saw her too). So AuntieN, if you are reading my blog, you BETTER NOT tell :D *shhhhhhhhh "Mum's" the word, get it? hehe :)*

P.P.P.S. If you can spend US $500 on a bag, you won't even wince when you fish out Php 700/ US$ 15 (for sizes 40 up, they're Php 800) for a pair of these super cool L&L Espadrilles handmade in Spain *natch!!* Bag hag embarrassing moment alert: I attempted to buy a pair of pekpek shorts at Zara (to wear with these espadrilles) but OhMahGaWd I swear my soul showed right through the shorts' legholes! I was thinking of matching a nice pair of green pekpek shorts with one of these L&L espadrilles for that chirpy summery look, but I now have to find a better pair of shorts (err perhaps something not so... short?! But blah wouldn't that be defeating the purpose though? The search for the perfect shorts, is on.) Anyway, hags, if you like these L&L espadrilles (you can give those Havaianas a rest), please contact lizaandlara@gmail.com

Nite! You must be as dizzy as I, after reading this post :)


Anonymous paz said...

those espadrilles were our uniform back in high school! so light and comfortable - and back then they were only 180 pesos!

1:36 AM  
Blogger Bryanboy said...

hahahah Baronessa Bryan


8:12 AM  
Anonymous L&L said...

thank you, mrs. T, for the free plug! :-)

9:21 AM  
Blogger MPR said...

I was laughing out loud w/ your recent blog!

Ha! Ha!


Before (tresor): I was just happy w/ prada and some preowned LV's and thrice a year buying from LV stores.

NOW (after tresor): I like Hermes! All Hermes! I like all colors, as in all colors! I am obsessed w/ runway bags too.

We should be sending photos of our bag collection--- BEFORE TRESOR (BT) & AFTER TRESOR (AT)

Ha! Ha!



1:33 PM  
Anonymous JP said...

your new logo is a keeper! and loving your white Croisiere. any Goyard recs for a bag-crazy guy like me? i want the crown and stripes too! anything except for a flap messenger please. how about a full feature? =P


5:13 PM  

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